Menopause Couples
By Cathy Taylor
Couples going through menopause often have unique
struggles when coping with the new changes and challenges it brings
to them both as individuals, and as partners. It is an inner battle
– mentally and physically – for not just women, but men as well.
For women, it may be hard to get a male partner to
understand and be able to empathise with her challenges. But both
sexes go through a form of menopause, and this transition is disruptive
and even scary, and a certain level of understanding and communication
is required for any one to have a quality relationship at this stage
of life.
Nancy Cetel talks about many of the changes couples
experience in her book Double Menopause, and what often happens is
that emotions, including past hurts, hopes, dreams, etc., that may
have been buried or unexpressed in the past, can no longer hidden.
It can’t be helped – the truth will not be held back
any longer. For some women, that shows up in pent up aggression that
is taken out on a male partner by pushing him away and/or making him
unable to relate to you on a physical level.
Men need to know that the loss of desire for sex may
be caused from the hormonal changes, but there might also be an emotional
element that needs to be dealt with.
It is advisable that men in menopause couples acquaint
themselves with the effects of menopause, in themselves and their
partners, in order to better understand the changes their relationship
is going through. Men soon realize that hormonal imbalances are causing
unwanted emotional symptoms in women that could lead to verbal spats
every now and then.
Men need to be aware that emotional changes are likely
to occur and that they are not to blame for them but that their partner
may require extra attention, love and outward expressions of caring
more now than ever before.
Men need to understand that their sexual drives could
also have changed as they experience a slower loss of testosterone.
To keep sexual interest, partners may need to put more time and attention
into the quality of their sex lives and ‘update’ themselves on what
things turn them on at this stag of the game.
Men need to know that a decrease in estrogen in their
lover’s bodies – can significantly alter how she thinks and feels
about sex. In addition, vaginal discomfort and thinning of the lining
of the vagina can make sex painful so it will not be enjoyable for
either of them until they find a solution for this.
More than ever this is a critical time for couples
to communicate more about the changes they are both experiencing.
Christian Northrup talks about ‘reversing roles’ as couples go through
this transition in her book the Wisdom of Menopause.
Men often lose a lot of the aggression that once fueled
their younger years and they are happier to stay home and engage in
more nuturing activities, that they never paid attention to before,
such as cooking.
Women, on the other hand, may want to venture out
into the world and pursue a long-thought about career. They become
more aggressive and passionate about accomplishing things. In this
way, the couple almost switch roles in the relationship.
Talking a lot, expressing ideas, and bonding with
one another again becomes critical during this transition. Men need
to know what is happening to their women on a day-to-day basis, and
visa versa.
Women want men to cheer them on as they undergo significant
changes including dealing with physical discomfort, hormonal imbalances,
and possibly venturing out into the career world for the first time!
Men need to know that sex isn’t going away totally.
Explore sexual alternatives and realize that having less sex is not
the end of the world! Experiment with vibrators, and oral sex, if
you haven’t already as these are fine alternatives and to maintain
a healthy sex life.
Women love toys as much as guys do. Menopause might
mean taking more time for foreplay for some women. Get into a habit
of communicating your needs to each other and learn to enjoy the changes
instead of fighting against them.
The most important thing is that husbands provide
a social network for their menopausal wives to rely on. Realize that
menopause is only a phase, albeit the end of the old and the beginning
of a new one, and it’s possible to adjust to the changes by remaining
aware.
By staying informed of each other’s thoughts and feelings
and becoming tolerant and understanding to the emotional pains women
can go through, menopause couples can overcome most difficulties.
And, who knows, you might like the new person you
wake up to better! Think of it as another adventure.
Cathy Taylor is a marketing consultant with over 25 years
experience. She specializes in internet marketing, strategy and plan
development, as well as management of communications and public relations
programs for small business sectors. She can be reached at Creative
Communications: creative--com@cox.net
or by visiting http://www.menopauseinfo.org
or http://www.internet-marketing-small-business.com
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